When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
