dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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