I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
