the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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