You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
