i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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