I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
what day is it and did you see me today?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
