I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
