I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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