I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Don't make out with my wife yet
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
