does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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