I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
