You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
