He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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