Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
