apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
