i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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