Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
