i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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