Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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