I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
