Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
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Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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