For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
