This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
