I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
