am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
