so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Randomize
