It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
