his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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