my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
