we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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