I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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