i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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