It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
