I met the friendliest cop last night
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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