i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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