I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
