Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
