This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
