you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
