Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
