I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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