I'm eating all of the evidence.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
