I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
