i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
