I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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