i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
