Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize