just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize