I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
