...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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