bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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