I wanna bring you to show and tell
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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