KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
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If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
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I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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