youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
