come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
