That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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