I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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