She's JV to your varsity
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
