I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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