dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
