He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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