I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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