whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Houston, we have a squirter
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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