hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
