Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
