Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
