Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
