I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
