This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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