if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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