Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
